Here I Come BYU-Idaho!

I just found out today that I have officially been admitted to Brigham Young University-Idaho! It's crazy how quick it was. They just received all of my forms, etc on Tuesday. It's funny... I keep looking at the webpage that says they've admitted me... just to make sure I'm not dreaming. I am really excited! After stressing about life and what to do, it feels so good to finally have some sort of direction! What a relief! I really feel like this is where the Lord wants me. I look forward to continuing my education there. It's nice to be on the path towards graduation (there is light at the end of the tunnel). So, Idaho here I come!

Best Overheard Story!

So today I was at the bank with my mom. She was at the A.T.M. and I was just waiting around. This man walks in who was on the phone. Now, normally you hear a bunch of boring small talk like..."yeah, I have to go to the grocery store today..." blah, blah. But this one really had me hooked. It went something like this:

"So, ya know, my brother works at an old folks home- like a retirement center, right? Well, he got this one patient who told him he was going to hypnotize him. So my brother's like, 'ok....' The man pulls out a pocket watch. He tells him that it is a family heirloom, very special, been in the family for years. He tells him that he is going to put him in a trance with this watch. Well, the watch then falls onto the floor and shatters into a million pieces."

And that's all I heard. I couldn't help but silently giggle! Unbeknownst to me, my Mom was at the A.T.M and was being slow so she could hear the whole story too. She didn't want to make it too obvious that she was taking her time and overlistening.

So, if you don't want people like me to listen to your conversation, don't talk in public! But, thanks random guy, for making my day a little brighter with a really funny story! :)

Things of Importance

Today I went to the Teaching Resource Center at the Missionary Training Center in Provo for the second time since I have returned from my mission. What you do is you volunteer to be an investigator and the missionaries teach you. It was such a good experience for me. I'm so glad I went. It brought back so many memories and feelings.

The first time I volunteered at the TRC was exactly a week after I came home. I learned that that was a mistake! I was so confused... I still felt like a full-time missionary, but I had to remind myself that I wasn't. As I walked the MTC campus, it really felt like it had just been the other day that I was there. Plus I got two Sister missionaries teaching me. It all just did not help me with my adjusting.

Thankfully, things were better this time. It was so interesting to be on the other end of things. I looked at these young elders and saw their enthusiasm and excitement for the gospel, for teaching the gospel, and for going on missions. It just brought me so much joy.

It was interesting how different each missionary's teaching styles,skills, and abilities were. The first set of elders that taught me (and an older man) didn't seem to know their scriptures very well. Also, they hardly ever made eye contact with me! They practically taught the whole lesson to the guy that was with me! I guess they felt awkward looking at and talking to a girl. They're gonna have to learn to deal with it though... as they'll probably teach young girls on their missions!

I also had to smile when I asked a question to one of the elders and he turns to his companion and says, "Elder so and so will answer that for you." And you see the look on the other Elder's face like, "Uh....yeah...uh..." I remember those times! It was so neat to see their teaching and even their testimonies in infancy. Not to say they are weak, by any means, I've seen plenty of greenies with huge testimonies and amazing teaching skills. But, man! The growth that will occur in those elders within the next two years... it will be incredible! They cannot see it. They cannot comprehend it. But, here I am, on the other end of things, and I know it's true. It happens.

The second set of Elders that taught us were two English as a Second Language missionaries. They were both from Mexico. I just thought they were the cutest things. I dealt with a lot of Hispanics on my mission and grew to love them even more than before. I was so proud of these elders. They did really well at teaching with scriptures. You could tell they knew their stuff. They also used really cool object lessons. I just loved one elder's facial expressions in particular. He smiled the whole time. He was animated. You just knew that he was excited to be teaching the gospel. I hope he can carry that excitement all the way through his mission, even when the times are tough.

Wow. What a time of reflection. I am now going on almost 7 weeks of being home. Where has the time gone? It has flown by. I still deeply miss my mission. The people. The experiences. The incredible spiritual highs. It's a hard thing to leave. Interesting though, I was really excited to leave. I hated tracting in the bitter cold, I hated the rejection and long hours. But, I really, really, loved the good times. Those were the times that made it all worth it. It's sad to me that I'll never again have those same experiences. I'll never again serve that same mission. Life is different now. I've got to move on, but somehow take all of that with me too. I want be a missionary my whole life- whereever I go. The gospel brings me so much joy and happiness. I want others to have that too.

I'm so glad the Lord prepared me to serve a mission. He carried me through to the end. I could not have done it without His help. It was extremely difficult. But, I am so glad I went.

I came across this quote that I love. It says: "If you serve a mission faithfully and well, you will be a better [wife], you will be a better [mother], you will be a better student, a better worker in your chosen vocation." -President Gordon B. Hinckley.

Yeah, and that's just the beginning. I am going to be blessed for the rest of my life. I wouldn't trade those things for anything, especially not any worldly pleasure or happiness.

You know, I sometimes look at my life and think I am way behind. I often make the mistake of comparing myself with others. I am almost 23 and I am no where near done with college, am not married, not working, and so forth. But, then I re-evaluate things and realize that I am totally off in my judgements. In God's eyes I am doing pretty well. I sacrificed a year and a half of my life to whole-heartedly serve Him. Serving a mission gives you an edge that other things cannot do. Now, I realize a mission is not right for everyone. But, for me it was. If I had not gone, I would have not done what the Lord wanted me to do. I would have regretted it forever. I see some of the lives others have chosen and I am extremely grateful for mine. I feel like I have vision, purpose and direction. I don't need alcohol, immorality or things of the like to make me happy. I once heard this quote: "Don't settle for what you want most for what you want now." What I want most is to be in the Celestial Kingdom with my family. Worldly pleasures are not going to give me that. However, patiently waiting for an eternal temple marriage will, along with obeying the word of wisdom. My dear friends! You don't need to settle for anything less than the best! Don't take that drink! Don't marry that person if you can't get married in the temple (I realize there are certain circumstances)! It's just not worth it! You can have a beautiful life and a glorious eternity. Doing what the Lord wants you to do is always the best option.

I am so grateful I have the gospel in my life. Meaning, I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know that there is hope through the Atonement of Christ. We all make mistakes and can be forgiven through His grace and His mercy. I know why I am here, where I came from, and where I am going. I know that the bible is the word of God. The Book of Mormon is another witness and testament of our Savior and can bring us closer to God. We have a prophet on the earth to lead us and guide us.

Wow, I am so blessed!



This is me the day I went into the Missionary Training Center. (before I got my tag). August 1, 2007.

One of the most powerful women!

I just discovered that I was named one of the 50 most powerful women last year! Why did no one tell me? Come on people!

Visit:
http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2008/fortune/0809/gallery.women_mostpowerful.fortune/32.html

Now, I know I have aged quite a bit in this picture, so don't get scared. Also, I've really gone crazy and chopped my hair! But, hey...I'm POWERFUL! :)

P.S. Wow... did I really just post for the third time today? What am I? Crazy?!

Walking on Broken Glass. Literally.

So, I decided to be all domestic and such tonight and make an oatmeal cake. It's been well over a year and a half since I've had some, after all. So, I go to the kitchen and begin my adventure. I ignite the stove (yeah, it's gas) and let the water begin boiling. In the meantime, I am at the corner of the counter browsing through some cookbooks. All of the sudden I hear this BANG! I turn my head to see a glass pan in shards everywhere! I immediately knew what happened. I had left a glass pan on the back burner. It was clean and I was going to put it away. Apparently I lit that burner instead of the front burner where my water was supposed to be boiling! Wow! I was extremely lucky I was not hit by glass or cut at all. I was really really close to the stove!

So, I begin cleaning up the glass and my Dad helps me out. Unfortunately he picked up a really hot piece and burned his finger. Later, I move the trash can and it falls over...glass and all...back on the floor in shards everywhere! Ahh! My first thought was, "are you kidding me?!?!" I began sweeping up the glass once again and couldn't help but laugh and giggle.

It makes for a good story if nothing else.

What happens when a girl with A.D.D. has to give two talks in one day?

So the stake likes to have recently returned missionaries speak in various wards every month, along with the high council speaker. I had my first opportunity at this today. I was assigned to speak on...dun dun....Food Storage! I was quite shocked. I really have no experience with that! But, soon, I realized that I could pick it a part and talk about principles such as obedience and preparedness. It was really a good topic for me to learn about.

Well, my singles' branch has been wanting me to speak for a while now also, but I have been out of town a lot. I received several phone calls last Monday, and a message was finally left, asking me to speak in church today. I felt bad, and I couldn't say no.

So, this was Monday. Plenty of time for me to write both talks! But, when did I start them? Not until Saturday afternoon. I headed over to the U.V.U. library, thinking I'd get more accomplished there as I wouldn't have as many distractions as at home. Well, I got my computer all set up and ready to go, thinking things were good, but then I decided to check my e-mail real quick... and it all went downhill from there. Why am I such a time waster? The good news is that I finally did finish one talk....5 hours later.

I came home, grabbed some dinner, and headed to hang out with Nicole. We watched the jazz game. I brought my laptop...just in case I felt like working on my talk. Did I? Of course not! I came home and started on my second talk at about 11:30 p.m. I worked on it until my eyes could no longer stay open at 2 a.m.

So, Sunday morning I wake up.... with a huge migrane! Not good, I thought! My second talk still wasn't finished! I got ready and went to print out my first talk. Of course, the printer was not functioning! Oh boy! I guess I should have used some of that wisdom on preparedness... and prepared for a disaster such as this! So, my Dad comes down and sees what he can do. He'd already been frustrated with our printers recently, so things didn't start off too well. He just ended up really mad. I kept watching the clock. It was coming down to the wire. I decided to just quickly write some notes from the talk. However, a miracle occurred and he was able to get a printer working. I grabbed my talk and rushed off to church. Of course I was late... If you know me, I don't like being late....at all! I am very time conscious. But, I made my beautiful stride up to the front. I decided I don't know what is worse or more nerve wracking- talking in your own ward, or talking in a ward where you know no one! I gave my talk and all was dandy and fine.

I came home and got something to eat and finished up my second talk. Thanks to some ibuprofen, my migrane was gone. I headed over to my regular church meetings. The talk I gave there went well. It was interesting how my talks changed. I left somethings out that I was going to say, or I put things in a different order. But, I think that people were able to feel the Spirit through the words I said, which is good.

After church I was set apart for my new calling (Relief Society teacher). I then rushed over to the stake offices in a different building to get my ecclesastical endorsement for BYU-I.

And now I am home.

What a crazy day!

Roadtrips!

Since I've been back from my mission I've been able to travel to Arizona and Idaho. Mom and I drove down to Gilbert, Arizona. The scenery was gorgeous! I fell in love with the state! It was so warm and sunny. I enjoyed spending time with my sister Traci, her husband Gary, and their daughter Anna. Anna was born just a few weeks after I left for my mission. It was fun getting to know her. She is a cute little girl. She takes after me and my Grandma Cox in that she loves shoes tons!

Just a few days after Mom and I returned to Utah, I packed my bags again and headed up to Rexburg, Idaho. I loved the drive up there. Definitely not a scenic as the trip to Arizona, but it was nice to just be alone and enjoy my music. It was my first roadtrip by myself. Too bad I was enjoying myself so much that I missed a turn. I ended up on the wrong highway. It was about 30 minutes after it had happened that I realized it! But, I got back on track and life was good. My sister Christi is up there in Idaho, as well as some of my friends, so it was fun to hangout and see everyone. I had a really good time. I also enjoyed the Spirit of the BYU-Idaho campus. I am really excited to move up there.

I really like traveling. I hope to be able to travel even more in the future. These were just "mini" trips. Unfortunately you usually need big money to travel big. One day. One day....

Moving Forward With My Life!

As a young single adult, recently returned from a mission, I have had many decisions to make. I have found that I have many options of what to do with my life. I have really struggled this past month to know what the Lord would have me do with my life. There have been so many times when I've felt that something was right, but then things change- I see things in a different light, or new options are placed in front of me. I have really studied things out in my mind. I've spent a lot of time pondering and contemplating the pros and cons of every decision. I am the type of person who wants everything to make sense. I'm always asking the question, "why?" The Lord has taught me through some challenges recently, that things don't always make sense. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn, as I want things to make sense! But, I've had to put my trust in the Lord and know that He knows better than I. He sees the big picture.

One thing I have been tossing and toiling over is where to attend school. While on my mission I had several family members and friends strongly suggest BYU-I to me. I did not want to make important decisions like that on my mission. It was just my personal preference. I wanted to devote everything to the Lord and figure that out later.

So, "later" came and I was at a loss as to what I should do. I have been attending Utah Valley University and I am really close to getting my associate's degree. However, I have had no desire to return to that school. The only thing that would keep me there is the fact that I am so close to getting my associate's degree. Because I want to be smart about things, I have thought that it'd be good to keep attending there and get my degree, despite the fact that I am not happy there. Then there's BYU in Provo. I visited a few weeks ago. I definitely felt that that is not where I'm supposed to be! I kind of felt like "been there done that." Although I have never officially attended that school, I lived right off campus in Provo for a couple of years. So, that left me thinking about BYU-I. One day while sitting and contemplating things, I just knew that's where I'm supposed to be. Then I had to decide whether to apply for fall or summer. I've gone back and forth for many days now, but I have finally decided to apply for summer. Logically, it does not makes sense to me. But, I am moving forward with faith. Of course, I haven't even officially been accepted into the school, so things can always change.

I am here in Idaho right now visiting some people and checking out the campus. I haven't been filled with so much peace in a long time. I feel so good about my future. I am happy. I know the Lord loves me. After all the struggles I've recently been through, it feels soooo good! I feel like God is telling me everything is going to be ok, that there is life after a mission- a good life. God is very aware of our circumstances, our desires, and what we need. We just have to press forward, taking one day at a time. Things will work out.

Dealing With A Loss...

So, it has now been nearly a month since my mission ended. I am still trying to adjust and figure out what exactly is going on in the world, my life, etc. Sometimes I really feel like a fish out of water! I think I am going through the grieving process. I've lost something that means so much to me. My mission was (and is) such a huge part of me. All of the sudden it was over. That's hard to come to terms with. So, according to http://ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/process.shtml, here are the steps in the grieving process:

Denial and Shock, Anger, Bargaining, Guilt, Depression, Loneliness, Acceptance, Hope.

It's scary how true and real that is! I've had most of those feelings in the past month.

It's so hard to describe my feelings, yet I want to. My mission means the world to me. It's really hard for me to just pick up and move on, leaving it behind. I want to take it with me, have it be part of me for the rest of my life. I feel like after the mission you just get thrown back into real life- like your mission never happened. I guess I thought life after the mission would be dramatically different than it was before. But, I am finding out that things are pretty much the same. I feel like I am just another person in the world- just another R.M. Like it's some sort of label. But, now having been on a mission, I truly understand what it means to be an R.M. It's not something insignificant. Missions are hard. It really says something to when you are an R.M. (However, I have learned, just as not every missionary is the same, so it is with returned missionaries. Just because you are a "Returned Missionary" doesn't necessarily mean you are a good person.)

I feel like I bloomed and blossomed into who I am on my mission. It was my time of glory, in a way. I felt special and unique out in the mission field. Perhaps because I was doing something extremely significant everyday to help others. I feel like I could definitely recognize the Lord's hand in my life everyday in the mission field. Now, with all the distractions and worldly things around me, it is harder to have those amazing experiences on a daily basis.

I'm having a hard time seeing all these other returned missionaries reverting back to old habits and worldly ways. Now, I know I have much room for improvement myself...but, I'm trying hard to be good. I feel like us R.M.s are different. We should be. We should still act dignified, just as we did in the mission field. We should still serve others. We should still set goals and make plans. There are so many things from the mission field we can take with us.

I don't want to lose everything I've learned and become. The past year and a half has changed me. I'm so scared of losing it. I feel my mission slipping from me fast. I am trying to learn how to move on, how to let go of my mission. My mission is over. Therefore, life will be different. It's just a learning process I guess, that takes time.

Anyway, those are some of my deep thoughts lately. I wonder if any of that even made sense. I know how I feel, but I'm having a hard time describing it in words.