Just a Thought...

Walking on campus the other day, I saw a girl on crutches. She was with a friend. She told the friend "Ok, I am going to make it to that tree right there." She then proceeded to do her best on the crutches to get there.

It was a small, simple thing I witnessed. But, it made me think. How many times are we like the girl on the crutches? We are crippled by something and we feel like we just can't go any further- take any more steps. But, how beneficial it is to have a goal. We see something in the distance. We work hard to get there. For instance, sometimes in our lives it goes like this, "Ok, if I can just make it until Friday..." We have to take everything one step at a time. And, just like that girl had a friend there encouraging her, we have others there to help us along the way.

Just something to think about...

Grandma's Cookies and My Laptop

I thought that title would catch your attention. :) So, since I've started school again, I have been tempted way too much by Grandma's cookies. Mmm. They are my weakness. My laptop, well, that has become almost an extention to my body. I have it and use it all the time. I am so grateful that Mom and Dad gave it to me. It is very helpful, as I do a lot of writing,etc.

Ok, here we are. Week two of school.

My life =
-Eat (If I'm lucky. However, I've been trying to be better about eating- and eating healthily)
-Go to class
-Do homework
-Sleep. (Sometimes sleep in class.)

Wake-up and do it all over again. Welcome to the exciting life of me!

Well, life is busy, but good. I have a lot of homework these days! Really, I should be doing it instead of writing on here, but I thought I'd take a break and give y'all an update.

Also, this week I was called to be the first counselor in Relief Society Presidency A in my ward. I say "A" because there are three relief societies in my ward! I am excited about the calling. Before I was given this calling, as I sat in church, I felt strongly that I'd have opportunities to serve those around me.

My life has suddenly been filled with assignments, readings, quizzes, tests, journals, group assignments, etc. Really, it is exhausting! I am trying to squeeze in some time to go to the grocery store, post office, exercise (but since I was sick all last week, that wasn't appealing), do laundry, and have some sort of fun. Oh, yeah, I have to teach in Relief Society on Sunday too. And my Saturday afternoon is taken up by a conference I have to attend for one of my classes.

I love my major, however. I love getting an education, not necessarily attending school. I am learning a lot. The things I am learning in my field of study will help me the rest of my life (and, well, for eternity, really). (I am majoring in Communication). My classes are helping me be a better person.

Also- interesting fact- I recently read that 75% of employers rate communication skills (written and verbal) as the number one thing they look for when hiring (Source: Job Outlook 2006). While I am still not sure what exact career path I want to take with my major, I'm not worried about being able to get a job when the time comes. I have felt the Spirit's guidance and reassurance that this is the major for me. I am looking into some different career options such as editing, news writing, and organizational communcation.

Anyway, that's my life right now. BYU-Idaho is great so far.

P.S. One thing I really enjoy is the weekly campus devotional every Tuesday.

Birthday Celebrations

I am now 23!

(More info. to come...)

It's Cool to Be in School

Hello y'all. Well, I am FINALLY in school once again, after two years! I am now officially a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho in Rexburg.

Today has been a little crazy, but that's to be expected on the first day of class. I had to get my ID card and books. My first class today was at 10:15 a.m. My last class starts at 3:15. I have an hour and a half break in there. I am tired and have a minor headache, probably because I am not used to all of this busyness and sitting in class!

School here is really different from U.V.U. It's has a totally different atmosphere and feeling. I am amazed at how friendly everyone is. It's like some unofficial rule to introduce yourself to your classmates as you are sitting there waiting for class to begin. I looked all around the room in each of my classes and everyone was doing that. It's awesome! That never happened at U.V.U. I have had so many people talk to me and seem to be so genuine. When people are open like that, I have an easier time being friendly. I have to see that they are not closed off.

I just feel so right about being here. I feel like I can finally be part of my school. I never felt that at U.V.U.

I am definitely going to be busy with school this summer. I have been looking for employment, but I am realizing that if I do get a job, I don't know when I will study! I had forgotten that major detail in planning things- study time! I am taking 16 credits this semester. I was actually contemplating adding another two-credit class the other day, but I remembered that I need time to study- not just be in class.

From the classes I've already attended, I can tell I will have quite the workload. It will be a juggling game to try to stay on top of everything- it seems that there are reading assigments, quizzes, etc due every class period. It doesn't seem that the coursework will be terribly hard, but just time consuming. However, I think I will really enjoy my classes this semester, so that helps a ton. I really love my major (Communication). I definitely know it's the path I am supposed to be taking.

Also, I have been a bit iffy about my ward, etc. But, church yesterday was awesome. It has a totally different feeling than the previous month I was attending it. The people seem to be friendly and welcoming. Plus, we don't have freshman dorms in our ward this semester, so that is a huge bonus! (No offense to freshman...) Also, I am excited because I feel like I will have some opportunities to reach out to some people who may need me. I felt the Spirit bear witness of that to me as I was there in church yesterday.

I have recently had the reassuring feeling that I am where I am supposed to be- regarding exactly where I live, etc. I have had a hard time with the fact that Hillcrest is not social at all. It has made me really miss Campus Plaza. I have a really quiet apartment now -which I am loving; actually. I have been able to decorate it as well. I just feels so peaceful. I love that. I need my quiet time. I also love that so far it is staying pretty clean. That's big too!

Being busy definitely makes me happy. I finally feel like I have something significant and important to do. Not having that after the mission was really hard.

Boy oh boy. It will be interesting to see where these next months take me. I have just started anew. A new year of my life, new semester, new season, new people, etc. It's really refreshing and exciting.

P.S. My writing communication class is going to be all about writing concisely. As you can tell, I could go on forever! So, hopefully that class will help me....

Temple Visits on April 16th

Last year I went to the Chicago temple on April 16th. (It was a preparation day.) I remember it because it's the day before my birthday.

Today I happened to go the temple as well. It's becoming an unoffical tradition to go the day before my birthday. I went with one of my former MTC companions, Sister Kristin Oswald.

Also- I got my very own temple dress today! I'm very excited about that!

*The top picture is from April 16, 2008. (I have one of me at the temple, I just have to find it)
*Bottom one- me today. (Still working on losing that mission weight....)

Everyone's Got Problems

Ok, this is kind of part two to my previous post. I'm doing a lot better today. I think last night was a moment of distress where I wanted to let it all out and it was like 1:30 p.m., so of course no one was awake. I realize I should probably be careful about what I post on my blog. I don't want sympathy or anything like that. I realize everyone has got problems, not just me. We have no idea the burdens others are carrying on the inside.

I definitely have very good friends that do care about me, and I am grateful for that. I am going to try not to be so selfish as to just worry about my own problems and feel bad about myself. So, all you out there.. please let me know what I can do for you! Feel free to tell me your problems! I will listen. Thanks for your friendship and care. It means the world to me.

It Hurts To Be Hurt

*This is a modification to a previous post....

I have recently been hurt by someone I thought was a good friend. I've known her for years. I've come to realize that a friend who is not willing to love me and show that love to me is not worth my time. Maybe I should focus on spending time with friends who care about and love me. The Lord has blessed me with friends who do care about me, and I am so thankful for that. I put in a lot of time and effort to keeping in contact with my friends and showing them I care. If they don't show me that same love and care back, then I need to move on.

It hurts to be hurt. What happened to me cut me right at the core. I don't think this friend even has any clue. Sadly, I think it's because she's not thinking of me and how I feel. But, that's selfish of me to think that she should be thinking of me...

I'm thankful that I do not have to walk the road of hurt and pain alone, because my Savior did. He is the greatest friend of all.

I'm coming to realize that it's not the quantity of friends that matter, it's the quality. I have a few awesome quality friends whom I love and adore and am so thankful for.

Thoughts at Spring time

I came back from Idaho (to Utah) for an Easter visit before school begins next week. I discovered that spring seems to be in "full bloom" here! There are blossoms on the trees and flowers out, it's just so beautiful. I love spring, it is definitely my favorite season. I wish it would last longer.

My heart has been full at this season as I contemplate some things. Many of you know I am still grieving and aching over the loss of my mission. Consequently, I have been thinking of where I was this year at this time. I was in the Northshore area. I was training a brand new missionary, Sister Taylor. I remember she had great enthusiasm for the work, as many new missionaries have. This inspired me. I'd been out for a while at the time and had been in the area for a little while as well. The Chicago winter seemed to be brutal and eternal. But, spring was arriving. Just as new life was beginning all around outside, a new life of a missionary (my greenie) was beginning. I remember how exciting it was to see the beginnings of flowers popping out from the ground. Things were beginning to become green again. All was not lost- there was hope! (See this story that I love: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1faa8949f2f6b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1 )

Last spring, the weekend of easter, Sister Taylor and I accompanied the youth of the ward on a blitz in giving out free copies of the DVD "Finding Faith in Christ." We went door to door. It was amazing how many people would not accept this free gift. I remember being impressed with one of the youth, who, like us, was unable to give away all of the DVDs they had. He went home and handed them out in his neighborhood.

Another memory... we helped a single lady plant flowers. She lived in a condo in an apartment style building in Morton Grove, IL. This lady was a bit crazy, I'm not going to lie. She had pinkish hair. She had definitely informed us that she was not interested in the gospel. But, we still loved and served her. After planting those flowers (she had a bunch of planters that hung from her patio), I was filled with a desire to do the same. I look forward to having my own home one day to plant a garden full of flowers, vegetables, etc. I never really had this desire before- until this particular experience. There is just something about creating that is so fulfilling. (If I feel this way about flowers, I can't even begin to imagine how it will feel to hold my own little babies in my arms!)

Also, this time of year is passover time. I was serving in Skokie, IL, a predominately Jewish area. It was a hard, hard, HARD time to be serving there. It was hard anyway, but when it's passover time, it's just HARD. I wanted so badly for those wonderful, amazing people to accept our message. People just don't understand what they are missing out on. The frustrating part for missionaries is that we cannot convey that on the doorstep. People have grown up in their ways and do not desire to change. But, if they knew what they were missing, perhaps they would. We do not want to take away the good things about their religion. We just want to add to it and make it more complete.

I cannot go without mentioning the most important reason of this season: our Savior Jesus Christ. He is truly our Savior. I was so touched at General Conference last weekend. I felt like the speakers spoke to my soul. One particular talk was given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. He said the following:

"...One of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless. [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

That just puts so much in perspective. I do feel abandoned and alone at times. I think we all do. But, really, what right do we have to complain about our small and insignificant problems in comparison? We have no right at all. Our Savior suffered it all.

I know that there is hope and peace through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Because he Atoned for our sins, one day everything that is wrong will be made right. I hope that this spring season we may stop and smell the flowers, enjoy life a little more. We would not be here if it weren't for our Savior's sacrifice.

An Early Birthday Present

So, for my birthday I got this cat off ebay. I am really excited!

Let me explain. On my mission we would do "business contacting." We'd go into businesses and ask if we could put up a small stand full of pass along cards for a free DVD about Christ that their customers could take. A lot of Asian store owners let us do this and were really nice. I noticed that many of the businesses had these golden cats. It was a strange phenomena. The cat waved too. I really grew fond of these things, especially since I like cats. Well, I have since learned that in Asain culture these are "lucky cats." They are a symbol of prosperity and wealth.

I am really looking forward to the arrival of my cat. It is coming straight from Thailand! (Don't worry, I didn't pay a fortune for this.)Feel free to come visit me at my humble abode. My "lucky cat" will be there waving to you! :)

Blessings from Heaven!

I found out today that I got a scholarship for spring semester!!! Wow. I am so thrilled about this. Granted, it is only partial tuition, but hey, anything helps. I know this is a blessing from my Father in Heaven- perhaps even a direct blessing for serving Him on a mission. It sure isn't because of my academics, as I have not been in school for 2 years. I filled out an application for scholarships at BYU-I and wrote some essays. A wonderful couple from the community contributed so I can get an education with less of a load of debt to carry. I am so extremely grateful.

The news of this scholarship comes just one day after I received some other news. Last week while I was at home I went to the doctor. She did some blood work on me, as I expressed great concern that I have gained over 30 pounds in the past few years. I really eat pretty healthily, and I don't eat a ton. So, it's been a mystery to me as to why my weight has shot up. Well, yesterday I found out the results of my blood work. I have a high insulin level. Upon learning this, I did some research on the internet. Apparently diabetes is when you have a low insulin level. So, I guess it is kind of the opposite of diabetes. I'm not sure what all is going on. I have another appointment next week to discuss the results with her. Please keep me in your prayers. This was difficult news to take. I already suffer from two other major conditions.

However, I do see this as a blessing and opportunity. I'm glad that I can take care of it now, while I am young (and before it gets worse). Also, it hopefully explains other health issues I have had (always being tired, my weight gain, etc.) The timing of it all is incredible as well. When I turn 23 I am not eligible for my parents' insurance anymore. I will then go to BYU-I insurance. I found this out and was able to get another appointment for next week, just 3 days before I turn 23.

Anyway, I know that the Lord watches out for us. In time the blessings come. We don't always know why we are asked to go through what we go through. But, the Lord knows.

Random Excitement in the Life of the Unemployed.

1. CONFERENCE- This weekend was general conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was awesome! I was so uplifted and motivated. I will share more of my feelings on this later.

2. SPRING- It reached a whopping 50 degrees today in Rexburg. There are buds poking up from the ground.

3. SKERPLES- While home last week I went to the mall and saw these markers. I looked closely and sure enough they were fake. Probably made in China.

4. A WALK and JAMBA JUICE- Since we experienced a heatwave here in Iceburg, Idaho, my roommate and I walked to the grocery store. We discovered an old building that reminded me of where I lived in Skokie on my mission. It was extremely ghetto. Oh, and since Jamba juice is located next to the store, I splurged and got some. :)

5. FRIENDS- I have been working really hard to keep in touch with friends. Yesterday I talked to one of my recent converts from the mission. It just made me sooooo happy. I felt like a missionary again. I felt the Spirit give me words to say to help her. It was awesome! Also, I have been pumping out letters left and right to friends still on the mission and friends at home. Since, I have the time now, why not?!

5. SCHOOL- Two weeks from today I start school again, after a two year break. I am happy to have something productive to do once again, and also being enrolled makes me feel so much closer to getting my degree!

My Heart Aches for My Mission

It's been 3 months- two transfers- now since I returned home from my mission. In many ways it definitely feels like it has been 3 months. I feel like I have been home forever.

I had a really hard time moving on the first little bit I was home. A few weeks ago I felt like I was truly starting to get a grip on things. But, today was transfers. It made my heart ache as I stopped to ponder the reality of things. Life is changing-other missionaries are in my previous areas- loving the people there, experiencing all of difficulites of the area, but also having amazing experiences. I feel a certain ownership over my previous areas. I guess part of it is because I am jealous of the missionaries now serving in those areas. They get to love the people, the area, etc. The other part of it is that everyone moves on and in time I feel I will be forgotten. But, I will never forget the people and different experiences of those areas!

I say all that, but I know that to the Lord I was not "just another missionary" nor- am I "just another RM." I know the Lord knows who I am, the hard trials I have overcome, and the desires of my heart. He continually blesses me with tender mercies to know that my labors in the mission field were not in vain. He has helped me be aware of many peoples' lives I touched as I served.

I was recently talking with another friend who came home from her mission a transfer before me. It was so nice to know that I am not alone in my grieving. She expressed to me her feelings of coming back into "normal" life and just falling in the crowd. People call us "RMs" and don't stop to ponder the significance of that title. It's actually a really sacred title to me. I am so proud to be a returned missionary. I had to work hard for that. Behind those words of "Returned Missionary," are days of disappointment, rejection, tiredness, and hard hard work.

Sometimes, because there are so many "RMs" out there, it is easy to feel unimportant and special. We felt important and needed in the mission field, but not so much anymore.

A mission is a one of a kind experience. I am afraid I am going to be having these little episodes of heartache for a long while- perhaps the rest of my life- as it was such a life changing event for me.

I truly have done well at moving on in recent weeks. But, when I stop to really think about things, that's when I get in trouble. I realize at times that I don't want to have to move on from the mission. But, I must. The Lord has other great things in store for me.