Peace

I have been filled with an incredible peace ever since I made my decision yesterday. I really should be so stressed out right now with all I have to do with finals coming up (I'm sure the stress will catch up to me shortly, however), but I'm really not. I just feel like everything will be ok. The following story in the scriptures illustrates perfectly what I've been going through:

Mark 4: 37-40
37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.
38 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him,and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?
39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

I was in a "storm" in a sense. The storm went on for a while. There were so many times when I felt like, "Heavenly Father, do you care???" And then, finally, He stopped the wind and things got peaceful. I really love the last verse. It definitely explains my life. I have fear and lack in faith at times.

Things aren't completely over. I still have to sell my housing contract. But, today as I was thinking about things, I realized I will be perfectly ok and happy with what ever happens. I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to. All things will work together for my good as long as I trust my father in Heaven.

I love this quote by Lance B. Wickman: "Still, we mortals quite naturally want to know the why. Yet, in pressing too earnestly for the answer, we may forget that mortality was designed, in a manner of speaking, as the season of unanswered questions. Mortality has a different, more narrowly defined purpose: It is a proving ground, a probationary state, a time to walk by faith, a time to prepare to meet God (see, for example, Abr. 3:24–25; 2 Ne. 31:15–16, 20; Alma 12:24; Alma 42:4–13). It is in nurturing humility (see Alma 32:6–21) and submissiveness (see Mosiah 3:19) that we may comprehend a fulness of the intended mortal experience and put ourselves in a frame of mind and heart to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Reduced to their essence, humility and submissiveness are an expression of complete willingness to let the “why” questions go unanswered for now, or perhaps even to ask, “Why not?” It is in enduring well to the end (see 2 Ne. 31:15–16; Alma 32:15; D&C 121:8) that we achieve this life’s purposes. I believe that mortality’s supreme test is to face the “why” and then let it go, trusting humbly in the Lord’s promise that “all things must come to pass in their time” (D&C 64:32).(Lance B. Wickman, “But If Not,” Ensign, Nov 2002, 30.)

I just LOVE that quote! It describes my life so perfectly! I am a planner. I try so hard to plan my life out. When things don't go the way I expect, I often ask "why?" But, really, it's all part of the learning and growing process. Our trials truly refine us and help us be who God wants us to be. I've been learning more and more how much we need to trust our Father in Heaven. He knows best.

This was kind of a personal post again. But, I realized that ever since my mission I've had a desire to share spiritual insights with others. This blog is a good outlet for me to do so.

My Final Answer. (I Think.)

I had my other interview today. It went well, but I just knew it wasn't right. There were several things about it that just wouldn't work. I'll hear back from them in a few days, but either way I've made my decision.

And that decision is... I am going to be interning with The Cancer Wellness House. It is a non-profit organization for cancer patients and their families. There are activities and services provided free of charge for them. (Support groups, yoga, massages, etc.) I fully believe in what they are doing. I think ultimately I want to do PR for a non-profit organization as my career. As an intern there I will be pitching story ideas to the media, writing grants proposals, planning events, writing press releases, etc. Unfortunately it is unpaid, and I will have to commute. But, I've got to do what I've got to do. I've got some ideas as to how I can hopefully have a little money coming in.

I've still got to work out some logistics- moving home, etc. I also have to sell my housing contract. That's the biggie. It's late in the semester, so a lot of people have already made their plans for next semester. If I don't end up selling it then I will be in Rexburg just taking classes, no internship. We'll see.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support! I feel a big burden lifted off my shoulders.

Advice?

I don't like to get too personal, but I am sharing this to see if anyone has any advice. I've been trying to get other people's thoughts since I have no idea what to do.

God has a plan for each of our lives, right? We are here to exercise our agency. But, what is the correlation between us exercising our agency and His will? I don't know if that make sense. Here's the thing- I currently have some options for next semester. I have to decide what I am going to within the next day or two. I've been torn for the past week. I have no idea what to do. I was offered an internship in Salt Lake. It'd be an awesome opportunity- great resume building material. But, I didn't feel very strongly about it. In my mind it feels right, but in my heart I'm not feeling it. I remember the scripture that says, "I will tell you in your mind and in your heart." BUT, what if I AM supposed to just make a decision instead of the Lord telling me what to do? I am so scared of screwing things up. This is such a big decision. What if the Lord really wants me to be in Rexburg in the winter, but I choose to go to Salt Lake? I have to have an internship to graduate. I'm afraid if I don't take this one, I'll miss my chance. I guess I've really got to exercise my faith, right? Any thoughts/words of wisdom/advice would be greatly appreciated. (Yes, I am praying, studying the scriptures, etc.)

So Much to be Thankful For

I love the message of this song. There really is so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thankful (by Josh Groban)

Some days we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

Thankful to be Alive

skid marks in the mud

Tonight I am thankful for my life. I had quite the adventures coming home for Thanksgiving Break today. Looking back on the danger of many of the situations I was in, I am SO lucky.

I typically used the BYU-I ride board to get rides home and back up to school. It is a lot cheaper- usually between $20-$30 roundtrip instead of $80 roundtrip, which is what the Salt Lake Express shuttle charges. Now, you really never know what you're going to get when you ride with strangers. I've done this quite a few times and have met some interesting, some different, and some facsinating people.

Now that you have a little background info, I'll tell you what all happened today. My ride picked me up at about 9:15ish. Four of us had to squish in the backseat until Idaho Falls (30 min. away),where two people were being dropped off. Yeah, that's against the law and I'm definitely NOT a fan. So, we get to Idaho Falls and had to drive a long ways out of our way to drop the girls off. We get back on the freeway and get going again. By the way, it was lightly snowing. Not sticking, but the roads were definitely slick. When we hit the Blackfoot area, however,the snow was coming down hard and sticking to the road. This perhaps was when I started fearing for my life just a bit. Visability was low. Our driver, however, continued to drive 75 mph in the snow! Yikes! Luckily we made it through that patch alive. Once we got outside of Blackfoot it was just raining.

We had to stop at the Lava Hot Springs exit to pick up another passenger. So, we did that and then our driver started heading the opposite direction of the freeway. We reminded her that the freeway was the other direction. She drove for a little bit and tried to find a place to turn around. She found a street and made a quick, sharp turn. That, combined with the slick road, proved to be a poor choice. We slid, and ended up on the side of a small hill- just before a ditch. It was very wet and muddy. We were completely stuck.

We were all so grateful that we did not roll. Many of us thought we were going to. It all seemed so unreal to me. Things changed so quickly- in a split second, really. One second we were on the road, the next we were stuck in mud. I am extremely grateful we picked up that other passenger. He had just come from the Lava Hot Springs area, so he knew some people there who could help get us out. We were in McCammon,Idaho. Countryside. Idaho all the way. I felt like I was in a movie or something. There we were, stranded in the pouring rain in the middle of nowhere. After a series of challenges we were finally pulled free- an hour later.

We were back on the road and headed home. However, as if falling off the side of the road didn't give me a heart attack already, we had another close call. There was someone in our blind spot and our driver attempted to get over into the other lane. Luckily the other driver honked. But, we were really close to hitting him.
And, not to mention that our driver was texting while driving all through out. That alone is dangerous and very serious. FYI- the driver is a first semester freshman girl.

Perhaps I've been over-dramatic about the whole experience, but it really has shaken me up a bit. We could have died as she was texting while driving, or when she was driving fast through the snow, or when we slid off the road. But, the Lord was definitely watching out for us. Needless to say, I will not be riding back to Rexburg with her.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

Just a reminder. I love this quote. It's so true- we are scared of how powerful we can be. God loves us and wants us to be successful and happy.

It's Time

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you all know that I am going private soon (most likely over Thanksgiving Break). Just to be safe. Please leave me your e-mail address. Thanks!

P.S. If you received a suspicious e-mail from me today, DO NOT open it. My hotmail account was hacked. I've been thinking about changing my e-mail address anyway, and will probably do so now.

Free Advertising For Heet

http://www.amazon.com/HEET-LT14-Windshield-Icer-av/dp/B001JTAGGE
Now that it's nice and chilly outside, you all probably spend several minutes scraping those frosty windshields. But, you don't have to! I don't have a car, but my roommate does. She uses this awesome product called "Heet." You spray it on your icy windshield and it immediately defrosts it. It's pretty cool (ha ha). It saves a lot of scraping time. I definitely recommend it!

Good News Minute

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news. I was contacted by an organization I sent my resume to (for an internship) and I have an interview down in Utah while I'm at home during Thanksgiving Break! Hallelujah! Finally, some sort of progress here! Now, I know it's simply an interview. So, we'll see.

Other good news- we BYU-Idaho students get a whole week off for Thanksgiving. It's coming up shortly and I am really looking forward to it.

The Lord Knows What's Ahead

http://www.morguefile.com/archive/display/87780

The past few months I've struggled to know what the Lord wants me to do next semester. I simply do not know. I feel like I'm not getting answers either. It's a very difficult thing. But, I've come to realize something- life is not meant to be easy! Imagine that! We aren't going to be given everything. The Lord wants us to learn and grow. Sometimes He has us struggle a bit- maybe for a period of months or more. It is in these times of struggle that we grow, progress, learn, and become something greater. I wish I had the exact quote, but I remember reading about revelation once. A general authority said that when we don't get an answer we should be comforted (something to that effect). It means God trusts us. He trusts us enough to have us step in the dark for a time. I thought about this tonight as I read 1 Nephi Chapter 2. Did Lehi know what was ahead of him when he left his home and journeyed into the wilderness? No, he didn't. Did he have faith and press forward anyway? Yes, he did. So, even if we don't know what the future holds, we must do the best we can and trust the Lord.
(just some more of my random gospel thoughts for y'all...)

Our True Identity

I’ve been thinking about beauty lately. True beauty. I am so tired of what the world says beauty is. I think it’s really sad that so many people think that you have to be super skinny, wear lots of make-up, and wear the latest fashions to be beautiful. Satan’s influences are all around us. But, honestly, there is beauty to be found in everyone- the old, the young, the married, the unmarried, the skinny, the overweight, the loner, the one with lots of friends. We are all children of God. We shouldn’t strive to look a certain way to please others. We should strive to be the best person we can be and that is between us and the Lord. I once heard an awesome quote by Sheri Dew which has stuck with me ever since. She says: “No amount of time in front of the mirror will make you as attractive as having the Holy Ghost with you.” (Ensign, January 2002). Please think about all this. We are all beautiful children of God.

This video is great and goes along with what I just talked about. Check it out.

My jam-packed fun Halloween weekend

My Thursday afternoon class was cancelled last week and one of my Friday classes was as well. So, I decided to leave for Utah Thursday afternoon and skip my Friday classes. I debated about it a bit, but spending time with Mom is definitely a better choice than going to class (Her birthday was Friday). I arranged to have Dad pick me up without telling Mom. I walked in the door Thursday night and Mom was so surprised! Indy, our dog was as well. He was barking up a storm, jumping on me, and running around in circles. That night I hung out a little bit and did some homework online.

The next morning I took a midterm online. Then, Mom, Grandma and I went out to eat at Zupa's. It's a really good soup/salad/sandwich place. I love their turkey cranberry sandwich and BBQ chicken salad. Yum!

Mom and I just goofed off the rest of the afternoon.

Friday evening we went out to eat at Los Hermano's. We were seated and had to wait for the rest of our party. Mom was confused as to why we were at a table for 9 when there were only 5 of us (including Chad and Buffy). I had to tell her that Chad was bringing some "friends." Traci, Gary and the kids walked in a surprised Mom. It was great.

After dinner we headed back to the house for cake and ice cream.

Saturday morning we hung out at the house. I enjoyed playing with the kiddos. They are adorable. I love them so much. Saturday afternoon I got a haircut. I also went to Nicole's and made sugar cookies with her. Then, Friday night, a few of my friends from BYU-I (who are all off-track this semester and living in various places) came over and we made pizzas together. (It was definitely a big "food weekend")

Sunday morning Traci, Gary, Dad, the kids and I all went to church. We had lunch with Mom before she headed to work. I headed back to Rexburg that afternoon.

So, I had a great weekend! I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked to (and am now getting sick...), and I didn't get to do nearly all the things I wanted to do, but it was a fun break from school. I've realized that it is possible to go completely insane when you immerse yourself in school like I do. It's hard living in a small college town. If I do get out and do stuff (since I don't have a car I don't really go too many places), I still am reminded of school. Heck, I walk out the door and I see my school even if I'm not going to class. It's nice to just get away and be reminded that there's more to life. Family and friends are extremely important too.

Oh, in other news: I register for winter classes tomorrow. That snuck up on me! I usually have my schedule figured out weeks in advance. Not so much this time. I guess I've just been so busy keeping up with this semester. I'm not even sure I'll be here in the winter. I wish I knew. I better register in case I am though. I've received two e-mails in the past couple of days about internship opportunities down in Utah which I had previously inquired about. One of the organizations wants to have an interview with me when I come home during Thanksgiving break. Ahh! So, we'll see. I just keep praying that I'll be where the Lord wants me to be. I pray that He lead me to a good company/organization where I can further my skills. We'll see what happens...